I'm still pretty upset about my blog being copied and posted onto a blog that is not my own. It's not that my work was stolen and someone is taking credit for it, it's that it's my private work and I chose one day to make it private and then I find out its not and worse, blogger or google or whoever is taking their sweet time getting it down. The titles of the posts are the same, I just don't understand how you don't automatically shut it down and ban the ip or something from every using google again! Mwaaah-ha-ha.
So now when I come here to write and think what I write is mine to do with what I want, it's so glaringly apparent that it's not. So I don't really want to write because it worries me that I might change my mind about it later.
The blog world has changed. A part of me is so sad about it because I loved pouring my heart out on the page and then publishing it to the world. But back then the internet was smaller then and we were all intimate so it felt like we were all friends. Then the troll thing happened and it was this time to build a tough skin sort of feeling, like we can handle this right? And then like at the same time, everyone just stopped being personal. When was the last time Dooce said anything personal, anything that really pulled at you? Years. It's been years. And we're all this way.
But the thing is, I'm built to share to much information. As a kid, I used to write very personal short stories, mini-memoirs so to speak and then share them with my friends. That's what kind of weird-do I am. And I didn't care, I loved it. I thought I would grow up to be a writer and when blogs first happened, these public diaries, I felt like it was designed for someone like me. It was awesome. It really was, and I'll cherish those days forever.
But we live in a Facebook world where we put our best foot forward and hide all the bad stuff. I'm not even good at doing that, I posted a huge thing about the break in and updates and the trial on Facebook. No one else does that stuff. It's all about being the best mom in the world, that's pretty much all that matters on the internet.
I also read a lot of design blogs and they have just been weighing on me lately. I'm tired of seeing stylized photos. I look at stylized photos in magazines all day long. Can't they just take it down a notch. Can't I just see what real houses look like? One post I saw was of a night stand perfectly styled with little jewelry trinkets and fresh flowers in a vase and all I can think is: I KNOW YOU HAVE A CAT SO THAT STYLING IS BASICALLY A LIE.
When I'm not annoyed with house styling lies I'm annoyed with sponsored posts. I'm annoyed that I just read a post where someone took a sheet and taped it to the wall with duct tape to earn a buck. And then there's like 20 comments telling the poster what a genius that was. Really? If I went to stay at someone's house and they duct taped a sheet to the wall for a headboard I would think they were off their rocker. Especially if they're all like, wow, look what I did with this duct tape, isn't it amazing? Totes Amaze!?
So that's why it's hard for me to come here. I don't really like to take my life and spin it as perfection, in fact I like to go the other direction and make fun of myself and the absurdity of life, but that's just me apparently. I always thought it was funny with my old blog that people didn't recognize my sarcasm and the dark humor I was trying to convey. Maybe I was doing it wrong, that wouldn't surprise me, but that always humored me especially when I was reading comments about my posts on troll message boards. I was always like, wow, you took that so literally, like I wasn't aware of how I was portraying my narcissism or neurosis, I was doing it on purpose, you dumb idiots.
Summer is not my favorite season. I do not like crazy heat and I do not like giant cockroaches and that's pretty much what summer is where I live. But last week we were driving over the bridge headed for a day at the beach and it was like Brian and I thought at the same time, isn't it weird how summer is so different than all the other seasons. It's like everyone changes. Our normal town turns into this surfs up beach atmosphere and everyone is out (though they are probably just tourists from somewhere else) and doing things in public. People walk differently, their hair shines more, their skin is warm and alive. It really is something. As much as I do not like summer, it's so radically different that for a while at least, I'm intrigued by it.